Couldn’t See Beyond Dirt |My Great Repentence

I thought I was in hell and I couldn’t see beyond dirt for all I had spoken, I was in such great repentence I could only stress how sorry I was! Yet, it wasn’t good enough, I couldn’t see beyond dispair and ruin. If I could have stood upon a million hills to say how much I regretted the words spoken out of my mouth, it wouldn’t have mattered…because my time had come to an end. I am done. I couldn’t make out what was truth and what wasn’t. I sat in utter fear…for days. I was so confused. I asked so many questions, yet to no avail, because my mind wouldn’t allow me to comprehend anything. How can I still be saved? Am I? Look what I’ve done to everyone…to the church…to my family.

-It all started one evening when one of my brothers in the Lord told us that he had just received the Holy Ghost and he was enroute to our home. When he arrived we all were rejoicing with him and a few of the members came by to do the same. At one point, I noticed something didn’t feel right and I went into one of my children’s rooms and another member soon joined me. We spoke about our concerns and then I started feeling very strange, very weak. I didn’t know what was happening to me she then grabbed my face and was calling my name, “Sister Cunningham, Sister Cunningham!”

At the time, I had just had a baby a couple of months prior. I had been dealing with a lot spiritually, mentally, and physically. My marriage was slipping away from me and I had become very bitter. I’m being very real with you right now, so if it troubles you to know this…I apologize in advance to alarm you but these are things that happen even in a Christian’s life. They just don’t talk about it. Depression, marital problems, and the like are so evident even when you are saved and with a mighty burning fire. Maybe at the time you don’t feel his presence like you desire but yes it happens! Some don’t believe this could be when your saved, in fact they teach against it. Saying, “No saint should ever have any business suffering from diabetes, depression, or cancer!” “If they are, they have FALLEN away from God!” People…That is so far from the truth. The word of God tells us that MANY are the afflictions of the righteous, yet the Lord delivers us from them ALL! Back to my repentence…I had ISSUES! I didn’t realize just how bitter I had become. I had allowed the enemy to step in and I was constantly upset with my husband though I had just given birth to our beautiful new son. But this imparticular day, I wasn’t ready for what was about to take place!

To be continued…